Yesterday, a friend of mine who is a wonderful but broke-ass college student, showed me a collection letter that she received and even though receiving a collection letter is a serious manner, we still had a rousing gut-belly laugh at it’s expense.

The collection letter went a little somethin’ like this:

COLLECTION LETTER

Date:

To: [name and address of debtor]

Re: Your account with [name of company]

Dear [name of debtor]:

Your delinquent account with [company name] has been referred to
my office for collection action. You are currently
behind payment on the above referenced account.

I have been instructed to bring legal action against you as may
be necessary, which may result in levies against your property
or other assets after judgment.

The file indicates that you have refused to pay the
above claim even though it appears just, owing, and correct.

You are hereby further advised that if payment is not received
within 15 days of the date of this letter, suit in small claims
court may be commenced against you forthwith and without further
notice for the amount indicated above, together with prejudgment
interest. Instead of small claims court, this matter may be
referred to our attorney for suit in municipal court.

As I am sure you are aware, if this matter goes to suit, all
court costs, process server’s fees, sheriff’s fees, attorney
fees where permitted, and other post judgment costs will be added
to the amount that you already owe.

You can avoid the unnecessary inconvenience and added expenses
of a lawsuit by making immediate payment to us within 15 days.

Sincerely,

___________________________
Collections Manager

Let me clue you guys and dolls in on the reasons why we were laughing:

1. My friend, “Sara” owes $17.00 to a hospital. Yes, that’s right folks, a whole seventeen dollars! Oooh, scary!

2. The absurdity of referring a $17.00 debt to a collection agency. (Get a life, hospital administrators!)

3. Paying the agency to collect this debt is gonna’ cost a hellva’ lot more than $17.00! (”This hospital has pure geniuses working for it and sure knows how to spend it’s money efficiently!” said very sarcastically by the writer of this story!)

4. Bringing legal action in a small claims court for $17.00 lousy dollars is absolutely ridiculous! But what’s even more ridiculous is threatening to bring a levy against property or assets for this paltry amount. (Get a damn life!)

5. Sara did not “refuse” to pay her debt as the collection letter claims it’s just that she’s a broke-ass college student who lives on ramen noodles and powdered iced tea to survive until she gets her degree and can’t afford to spare a penny right now. She fully intends to pay every penny back and “has” told them that.

So to all of you hospitals bringing in collection agencies to collect on paltry sums of money, let me tell you this:

“You Can’t Get Blood Out Of A Stone!”

You’ll just have to be patient and wait for the debt to be paid.

Which it will!