Hey!

Are you sooo done with your employer, i.e. you found a better job and you want to get the hell out of there asap but not before giving your former boss a piece of your mind for all the crap that they have put you through?

Then what are you waiting for?

By all means get the hell out of that office, restaurant or dungeon that you no longer work in.

Next, make a mandatory trip to the nearest liquor store and buy the poison of your choice.

P.S. If you don’t indulge in Jim Beam (which is a crime in itself) then head to the nearest 7/11 convenience store and get yourself a “Big Gulp” in the flavor of your choice.

Then whip out your cellular phone as you are sipping or gulping your drink and right there in the liquor store or 7/11 convenience store restroom send your former boss a voicemail that they will never forget and one that will get you a crappy reference and burn every bridge that you ever had with the company.

And enjoy because life is good because you now have a new employer that you will soon grow to hate.

Remember, be creative!

For those of you who need a little creative instruction, check out the voicemail below.

“Dear Employer (otherwise known as slavedriver, tightwad, moneybags, head honcho, big cheese, scumbag, m***n, all-around a-hole....)”

“This voicemail is to inform you that I am terminating my employment with your company effective RIGHT NOW!”

“YEAH, BABY! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT!”

“As you may have guessed since I quit my job with your company via the impersonal, but extremely satisfying means of communication called ‘the voicemail,’ there’s no friggin’ way that i’m givin’ you idiots 2 weeks notice per company policy.”

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! And there’s nothing you can do about it!

“Furthermore, I want to take the time to assure you that the decision to quit my job with your company was not an easy one, but rather an EXTREMELY EASY ONE which involved 90 seconds of thought in between taking a leak and nuking some pizza rolls during a commercial break of an old Grey’s Anatomy episode.”

“No, seriously!”

“It was oh so difficult! And i’m being oh so sarcastic!”

“I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE!”

“No more ulcers and zits for me!”

“In closing, I want to take the time to express my gratitude for giving me a truly horrible employment experience with your company and with you personally.”

“I also want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of skills and experience that I acquired at your company and from you personally that will bring me more money, happiness and benefits from my next employer.

Thanks alot, moron!”

“No, seriously!”

“Sincerely,”

“Your former employee (otherwise known as “little toy you like to play with”, peon, slave, lackey, personal punching bag, hack, old workhorse, “innocent flawless hardworking victim.)”

And after you are finished with your voicemail don’t forget to tag this little gem on at the end in the worst possible voice that you can muster.

(Everybody sing!)

Take this job and shove it
I ain’t workin’ here no more
Woman done left
Took all the reason
I was working for
Ya, better not try to stand in my way
As I’m walkin’, out that door
You can take this job and shove it
I ain’t working here no more

Well, I been working in this factory
For now on fifteen years
All this time, I watched my woman
Drownin’ in a pool of tears
And I’ve seen a lot of good folks die
Who had a lot of bills to pay
I’d give the shirt right off of my back
If I had the guts to say...

Take this job and shove it
I ain’t workin’ here no more

The foreman, he’s a regular dog
The line boss, he’s a fool
He got a flat top haircut
Lord, the boy thinks he’s cool
One of these days
I’m gonna blow my top
And that sucker, he’s gonna pay
I can’t wait
Until I get the nerve
To walk up to him and say...

Take this job and shove it
I ain’t workin’ here no more

Take this job and shove it

P.S. I love you Johnny Paycheck!